I have this crazy fantasy, I believe that all little girls dream of their wedding day, well maybe not all, but many. At 14 years old we have already promised our best friend the Maid of Honor position, we have chosen some wild colors, and we’ve even picked out our future husband. In that planning, we never factored in the possibility of our husband coming home and telling us that he does not want to be married anymore. When our fantasy becomes our reality, but our reality is a nightmare what do we do next? We only planned for the wedding, not the divorce now what?
Is there a way to pass an experience like this? How can one ever love or trust again? Where is God’s grace now Grace Girls?
Read Julia Sanders story to find out how she learned to love again . . .
Before 1999, I was a surface Christian beginning my journey of maturing in Christ. I initially accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was young and re-dedicated my life in February 2004. I read the Bible, although many times it did not reach my heart and I failed at living a life that pleased God. I continued to do the things I wanted with no consideration to for God’s direction. I met my husband in 1987, the man who would love me forever. I gave this man everything I had before becoming his wife. In 1990, I married the man of my dreams and in 1999, my dreams evolved into my nightmare.
As my relationship with my husband grew apart, I moved closer to God. For the first time in my life, I was truly getting to know God. In October 1999, a week before our ninth wedding anniversary my husband informed me that he did not want to be married anymore. I was “DEVASTATED” my whole world was crushed, and I did not know what I was going to do without him.
My husband was seeing another woman he met at work for 11 years. He continuously lied, he physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. I responded to what I was going through with carnal weapons that showed my lack of maturity and inability to display godly character in the midst of a dangerous situation. Nevertheless, God arrested, convicted and enabled healing to occur in my life. While at this place in life, I experienced deep hurt, regrets, anger, bitterness, vengeance, self-pity, and rejection.
I had to make a choice – either I was going to die or live as a result of my situation. I chose to live, and God dealt with me in my current state. I was able to see how I put my husband in God’s place. This journey strengthened my relationship with God.
During this season I read the bible, prayed, fasted and trusted God to bring forth His promises. It was my hope that my husband and I would reconcile, but in 2009, after ten years of separation, I was served divorce papers. I struggled with divorce for a long time because I did not want to displease God. I realize that everyone does not share my desire to please God, and we each have to stand before God to give an account.
Life does not always follow the map we created, but while our journey may veer off from our design it never catches God by surprise. Whenever we choose to surrender to God, our journey is never off course just recalibrated. When God directs our journey, grace can always be found. Tears shed does not mean that you will not smile again. Grace has remade you!